Things Are A Little Different

It has been so long since I have done this... not that this was a habit to begin with. I have thought of this blog often, but never really had the motivation to gear up and string words together. My life is a little deserving of an update. I am engaged. That word does not express the joy I feel when I say it. There is not a feeling like it out there. I will have a husband. One I know will love me through everything, and who is mine for eternity. James William Wesley is the greatest man I know. His heart is quiet, but burns with a fierceness for Jehovah. His ways are humble and directed by God. He loves and serves more than any college student I know. And best of all he loves me more than a person ever has. I did not know that someone could love another human being as much as he loves me. Through this unconditional love he has shown me a picture of how our God loves me. If James loves me as much as he does, there is no imagining how much our Savior loves me. James does not just have a love for me, but a love for all who surround him. Constantly giving, he wears his heart on his sleeve, and never gives up. A gentle giant humble in nature, a servant in spirit, and a lover through God. I am truly the most blessed girl in the world.


In the end there is a silence in the radiance of Heaven. What must that be like? How does it feel? There is no wonder in all creation that can describe the things prepared for the ones chosen. The sea of glass. The throne of the Lamb- What must that look like? Precious Lord come show us your glory- bring quickly your love. Bring your power with mercy. Bring your almighty strength. Reveal to us to live by grace, and know that it is unearned. Only by your power am I redeemed. Lord Jesus show me your spirit, and your great power. May I see Your Light, and Your greatness? Bring strength to your warriors, and knowledge to your children.  

blog appropriately named.

darkness closing in.
wrapping around.
snuggling into the light.
it is dimmer.
so tired.
so.awake.
painfully.
clawing for an answer.
wanting to label all of it.
knowing.seeing.feeling.
the failure.
to grasp.to hold.to clutch.
nothing. silence. black.
all is gone. nothing. is.left.
broken heart. painful death.
painfully.
all.is.gone.
all.is.stripped.
away.
dawn is breaking.
a new light to replace the darkness.
new hope to answer the silence.
no more failure. no more pain.
all.is.right.
all.is.gained.
Jesus.
has.
come.
--------------------------
i just want to write. i can't find my journal so i turn to my keys. at this late hour typing is very trying- mistakes every word. maybe i should leave the mistakes, let you decipher what all of this means. when i see beauty i crave God. i think that is special. it makes me want to revel is his presence all day. all night. then in an instant it is gone. the world has replaced it self, again. the chief authority. well i break that now.. Now! it will no longer rule my life. no longer have say it what i do. i will remind myself of this decree tomorrow, because the world will take over again. my body is a dying sinful thing. my soul wanting to do good, and my body fighting it every step of the way. "i do not do the good i want to do, but what i hate i do." thank you paul for your honesty, and vulnerability. goal i want to be more vulnerable. i ask and seek for people to be vulnerable with me all the time... i should do the same. goal: a gentle and quiet spirit. i live with a girl that has one. it is beautiful, and i admire it, and love that about her. i pray that i am more like her. God is calling my heart and i will answer him. when he calls me i feel as though i have to let it out of me. there is this intensity inside me that i cannot explain but i have to get it out- hints this blog.

today

Listen my child. Open your ears and your heart to my movements. You want an adventure; you’re ready for something new. I’m telling you to hold on. The time is not yet right. Do not get angry or worried dear one for my timing is always right. I do not waste time, so you feel that you’re waiting, but you aren’t.  I’m growing your life everyday. Every second is flowing with blessings from me. You don’t believe me, my child? Well I will tell you this. Every breath that you breathe is a planned.  Everyday that has passed has a arrangement and a reason- for I am not pointless in life’s small actions.  Precious one, do not fret for your time is near, but now sit and wait, and revel in my presence. Remember my child my time is never wasted. I have you in my hand- ever second of everyday. I am constantly moving to lead you along the narrow. “Come, follow me,” is the cry of my heart. Come see the adventure I have for your heart, but do not forget that everyday life is an adventure from me.  

My ears burn with glory when the Hallelujah's are shouted. I crave to hear the Hosanna from My people. I listen when Holy is spoken. I hear Glory sung. I watch when hands are raised and when souls are quiet. I rush to bent knees and sing with little children. I stand behind when people speak and whisper into their souls. I move within crowds equipped chills and goosebumps. My light shines bright when praises are lifted high. The mountains stand taller, the rocks are stronger, and the rivers are mightier when My dear ones are seeking me. Sing praises loud, for My heart sings with your praises.

Chapter __ closed

Today was the end of something great. Three years of an amazing roommate, and two years at a pretty shabby apartment. I can't complain- a lot went down at 12301. So many memories. The sad thing is that a lot of memories were painted over this weekend. All the walls were washed again with that dingy white paint. I cried about it all today. so weird

Everyday coincides with a journal entry... The Lord is so good.

Listen my child to the words that I say. Do you see my plan for you? Do you see how it fits? I will not leave you on your own. You are in my arms; encompassed by my love. Why do you worry? When then do you fret? Have you forgotten my presence? Look to the mountains when you feel lost. Look to the flowers in the field when confusion overtakes you. Do you see that beauty? You are my child, you are one of My own. If nature has been created with beauty, have you not as well? The answer precious one is yes. Your beauty overtakes me, and my heart bursts with pride. You are my child! Flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood. By my Son you were won. I fought for you. Does that mean anything? The battle was fought and won for your name. Small one, I love you. Please come to me. Joy alivens in my heart when you come near. Listen closely... You need me dear one. I am what your soul thirsts for. Come to me, my arms are wide enough for you. Run to me. I'm crouched down, willing and wanting to lock you in my arms forever.  I am waiting by your side at all times- so that you may hold my hand whenever you feel ready. 

Day of Celebration

God can do ANYTHING! He has taught me that through so many examples this semester. I just know and have faith that He will and does great and mighty things. On Friday a boy I went to school with was buried. Well his body was buried. His soul, however, was rejoicing in Heaven. In high school you would not know he had a relationship with the Lord, but when he entered the Marines his life changed. Is name was Thomas Rivers. He died in Afghanistan. He volunteered to go out for a friend, and that cost him his life. He was killed doing the thing he knew he was meant for. I love that he was able to do what he loved. He also laid down his life for his friend and country. I am so thankful for that. One of the things that has striked me the most is that God is such a God of second chances. You are never to far gone for the Father. He always takes us back in, or opens the door when we knock- always! He accepts anyone, and I am so proud that I can say I have a God that does that. The Lord is already using Thomas' death for amazing things. The name of the Lord me praised. I was dancing the other day just because of the things I am hearing about Him doing- gosh so exciting! Such a blessing!


In the end there is silence in the radiance of heaven. What must that be like? What must that feel? There is no wonder in all the creation that can describe the things prepared for the ones chosen. The sea of glass, the throne of the LORD. What must that look like? Precious Lord come show us your glory. Bring quickly your love. Bring your power with mercy. Bring weakness so we rely on your strength complete. Reveal to us to live by grace, with mercy, to know that it is unearned. To know that only by your power that I am redeemed. Lord Jesus show me your spirit, and your great power. May I see your light, and your amazing power. Bring your strength to your warriors, and knowledge to your children.

Lead Me in the Way Everlasting

"One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!"  John 9:25

Here is what I have learned. Confession is a good thing. You might feel exposed, completely naked even, but it is like weight lifted off your shoulders. To confess is to release. To confess is to make yourself accountable to something other than your own mind. The Lord is so good, he asks us to confess to him. What a beautiful thing it becomes because He will always forgive us. Such sweet mercy our Papa has. I rejoice in that- I rejoice in the ways that the Lord has made!

There are words spoken in tongues of angels. The whispers that are carried by the wind. Sometimes their words can be heard in the echos of the mountains. The stillness of the trees and the snow fallen fresh beckons their calls. Come to me, sweet Jesus, dance within the breezes. Brush against my face so that I may know your glory. Sing beneath the trees, that I may know your song. I long to feel your presence again. Breathe into the life that you once gave Adam. Show me the fire shown to Moses. I claim your whispers Lord, bring them quickly. Speak in the way of humans. I want to understand Your time, and Your way. I crave your closeness all the days of my life. Draw the water of life, dam it into my soul. I never want to leave the stillness of you. Shelter me with your righteous wings. Bring your teachings on the wings of doves. Speak to me in that still small voice, so that I may know you more. Call on me saying, "My child," for I know the words of Your voice. The phrase sings so sweetly in my ears. My soul lingers in the words of your truth. May I be still and revel in your glory, for You are my kingdom forever.

Remembrance of the Lake

Draw near to Me child. Do not fear. I will shelter you with My wings. The world cannot kill you. Their words will be like rain that slides down the pains of your windows- never lingering. Child do not listen to their words. They do not know me. They do not hear my whispers. Pay no heed to the father of lies. Run to me when words are shot at your back, for I have the ways to remove the wounds that they have caused. I speak the truth and I speak life. Come to me for I have redeemed you. Speak to me for my ears will always be attuned to your cries. Rely on me child, for I have the knowledge, the power, and life to remove all the walls that have been built around you. I am calling you- come to me. Bring your burdens and your hurt. Lay them in my arms. I will blow it away like chaff in the wind. No mortal man stands in my way to you. I am the abundant life- Run to me. Bring their words, My child, I will speak the truth. You are my child and I love you. I have no respect or honor for those careless words. Listen to My whispers for they are not careless. No dissension come from my mouth. My lips are true, pure, and righteous. I am the wind for your flights and the handler of your life. I will not let you fall. Though the rain of words will sometimes drip on your childlike head, I have the way to clean and dry your precious body. I love you.